4 Beliefs Most People Have That Hold Them Back
These Are Well Intentioned, But Do They Lead To Better Outcomes?
Ever since graduating I’ve had this internal conflict. I want to do something special. I don’t know what, except that it should be special. So what should it be?
I tell myself I don’t care if other people see it and that it’s for me, but not-so-deep-down I want people to see it. What’s the point of doing something if there’s no one to appreciate it?
So I’ve got two challenges — figure out what to do and then how public it should be?
I’ve approached this through a series of experiments. Try running. Dabble in drawing. How about writing? Lots of little experiments. What do I like and connect with and want to do more of? What do I want to leave behind?
Across this whole span the idea of writing has resonated with me. Is it journaling though? Is it something I write for others? What value does it provide? These are some questions I have considered.
So now you’re reading this and it’s obvious that I’ve decided to take these thoughts, write them down and make them ‘public.’ (We could debate how public they are as the internet is a vast overstuffed wilderness of content).
In parallel to this I’ve tried to make myself a better human. I don’t know how to do this in a vacuum so I turned to self improvement books. (Seems logical, right)? I feel slimy after reading them sometimes as the authors sometimes come off as self-aggrandizing-know-it-alls, yet there are some nuggets in them that resonate with me. So I continue.
At this point I’ve read some number of these books. Not the most any human has read, but also not the least. I’m 33 years into my ~78 year journey on this planet and I’m that much closer to being a finished product. (Except that no one is ever finished. So why do I bother to continually improve myself? Is it so I can perish as close to ‘perfect’ as possible? The things I think about…).
What’s happened as I’ve read these books, blog posts and Tweets is that the vast majority has passed over me…but some of it (maybe 2%) has stuck. So I have a list of nuggets from these different sources that I resonate with that allegedly hold the secret to living a better life. I feel like a rookie golfer trying to remember 35 different body mechanics and techniques as I start my back swing. There’s a lot of good stuff here, but it feels unnatural, as if life weren’t meant to be lived according to a detailed playbook.
That’s not to say that life should be lived without a code. I very much believe that virtues and values are important. But the little stuff. The ‘life hacks’ — I question their place in my life.
And this has led me to the conclusion that a closely examined life and self doesn’t necessarily result in a higher quality life experience. Said differently, a lot of the stuff that seems helpful is not as good as it seems. Perhaps it’s even harmful (if wielded incorrectly, whatever that means.)
Here Are 4 Beliefs We Have That Sound Good, But Are Holding Us Back
1. Life Should Be Lived According To A Set Of RULES.
The world is undoubtedly better if the society we live in has protections. We don’t want people overstepping in a way that inhibits others’ ability to live a full life. But after we correct for that, what is the real value of following rules to the letter? Ostensibly it would result in the best outcome for the society or group…as if they were created as part of an algorithm programmed by a master planner. But they weren’t. The rules that exist are an aggregation of rules accumulated over time. They’re not part of a master plan. So when we commit ourselves to playing by the rules, that’s not a bad idea. But, when we commit ourselves to the rules and don’t know what the point of the rules are (including the why behind them), we limit ourselves and our outcomes. RULES undermine our perception for what the true limits are and why they exist.
2. Being RIGHT Is The Goal.
School teaches us that every question has an answer. It’s supposed to teach us how to think, and I’m not here to say that it doesn’t, but it has the consequence of teaching people black and white thinking. When I’m in conversation with a friend and they use a word wrong or text me a typo a sign flashes in my mind THAT IS NOT CORRECT. How does this help me to connect with the person across from me? It doesn’t. In the real world there’s (at least 50) shades of grey. There’s multiple answers to questions. There’s some questions that don’t have answers. Focusing on what’s RIGHT or CORRECT is a distraction. Instead focus on what’s MEANINGFUL to the question being asked.
3. To Know Something One Must Know The DETAILS.
The most precious commodity we have is time. Money can be multiplied, but time cannot. The case could be made that things that detract from spending time on what’s valuable to us should be eliminated from our calendar. I’m not saying that you should cut your call with your Grandma short, but what I am saying is that when you’re trying to learn or to explain or to communicate something, the details muddy the waters. They do not enhance learning or communication, but limit it. They bury the point. Focus on the BIG THINGS and the DETAILS will take care of themselves. Focus on the DETAILS and we’ll be here all day figuring out where to start.
4. UNDERSTANDING Is Necessary To Learning.
Rote learning gets a bad rap. How did you learn to ride a bike? Was it by reading about it or was it by getting out there and trying? Over and over again you’d try and you’d fall and you’d try again. Eventually you’d learn. And would you have any idea how a bike works? No. Does that matter if you can ride the bike? No. When you’re learning something, don’t get hung up if you don’t UNDERSTAND something. With time you’ll learn it anyways and the understanding might even follow as a consequence. If it doesn’t, well, you probably didn’t need it anyways.
Before you beat yourself up for not living an examined life, consider whether the rigorous life is all it’s cracked up to be. I’d argue it’s not.
Click that 👏 button if you agree.
Thanks for reading,
Michael
