My OCD Has Spread Into Different Parts Of My Life
Here’s What I’m Doing About It
I first wrote about my experience with OCD in 2018. First my experience was bad, then I got over it and it went dormant…for a while.
The last time I wrote about OCD was in early 2022. At that point I was pretty far removed from the worst of it. I’d have bouts of anxiety or minor obsessions related to my fear of forgetting, but was successful in keeping it at bay.
The thing is though that as I sit here today in 2023 I think I might have a problem on my hands again.
I’ve always had a weird relationship with money. Our household doesn’t live above our means, and we make plenty to sustain ourselves. We’re not rich, but we’re not poor. Still I have this nagging sense of discomfort with spending money and it pops up…a lot.
Until recently I didn’t even consider it to be related to OCD. But since I made that observation it suddenly *clicked* for me.
- Discomfort with uncertainty
- A budget that’s never quite right and causes more anxiety than peace
- Interference with my life in the form of obsessive thoughts and stress in my relationships.
Some of the hall marks of OCD.
Shoot — OCD has snuck up on me.
You may see this too in your journey. My counselor always said it was possible. OCD starts in one area and then can migrate to another. For me it was note taking and now it’s broadened to include obsessive financial thoughts.
It’s maddening, really. But — but, I know what I need to do to beat it this time. At a high level here’s what that is...
- First recognize the obsession
- Then find ways to interrupt the obsession-compulsion cycle.
- If it’s pure-o (OCD without the visible compulsions) it may not be interrupting a physically visible ritual. That’s okay. We can still interrupt the mental cycle.
So here’s what I’m going to do. When I’m having a bout of anxiety introduced by this money thing (money really is the root of all evil)…
- Recognize that the obsession is triggered by discomfort with anxiety related to financial thoughts. (or whatever the obsession pertains to for you).
- If you’re able to resist acting on the obsession (or spiraling with thoughts), do that. That means you’ve found an exposure that’s relatively low on the fear thermometer. (Aside: the fear thermometer is an analogy for relative level of discomfort caused by a trigger. Higher distress equates to a higher temperature and lower to lower).
- If you’re unable to resist the obsession in the moment and succumb to the anxious impulse, that’s okay. Don’t beat yourself up. Pay attention to that trigger and identify it as a little more difficult to handle. It’s higher up on the fear thermometer.
- Then ask yourself, is there something with a low anxiety threshold on the fear thermometer that you could tackle with some light Exposure & Response Prevention? If you’re able to identify it that’s great. Do that.
- If you’re not able to identify an exposure, that’s okay. In that situation, take a step back and just observe yourself for a few days. If you’re in the thick of it an exposure will make itself known.
- Once you find an exposure at the right level, sit with it. Feel the anxiety and prevent yourself from doing your ritual. Better yet, carry on with your life as normal. You don’t want to succumb to the anxiety. You want to get comfortable sitting with it.
This won’t be easy at first, but the more me and you do it, the more comfortable we will get.
This piece is a little more casual than what I’ve been writing about recently, but I’ve been wanting to hit on the concept of OCD creep for a while. I was afraid this would happen, but it’s okay. You and me will get through this. I hope you’ve found this helpful if you’re struggling with OCD.
Please understand that I’m not any kind of licensed professional. I’m just another personal who’s had his own journey with OCD over the years who, back in 2018, was trying to find like-minded people on the internet. I hope today in 2023 (or if you’re reading this later), that you’ll find some solace in reading this. You’re not alone.
Thanks for reading. Shoot me a message to say hi over on Twitter (or is it X now?) @emcolumbus. I love connecting with people.
Good luck to you,
Michael
I’m channeling this hard right now…
